The Citizen's Guide to Alcohol
Police Reform and Social Responsibility Bill, Dec. 2010
This Bill contains measures to reshape Nu Labour's Cafe Culture approach to 24 hour drinking.
Majorly, councils will have the power to impose a late night levy of £4,500 on pubs and clubs that cause public order problems.
Also, councils will be able to prevent 'problem' pubs from staying open late.
GPs and NHS trusts and members of the public will be given a key say in licensing applications.
Fines for selling alcohol to those who are under age will also be doubled to £20,000.
The Professional Drinker
If you drink more than 16-18 units of alcohol a day, stop reading now,
you are already an expert, your body is alcohol dependent - in short, you're a drunk. The definition of a drunk is someone who is never sober, they may appear sober but the level of alcohol in their blood tells a different story. It's odds on that yesterday's drink will still be sloshing around when today's drinking catches it up.
The basic fact is that if someone standing near you strikes a match the ethanol seeping through your pores will set you ablaze. Some silly arse from the Daily Mail will claim it a result of spontaneous combustion but you'll know it's the result of cheap Tesco cider.
Statistically, being set on fire by a witless passing stranger is a rare event, otherwise it wouldn't be called a 'phenomenon' and the Readers' Digest would go out of business. (Ed. The Readers' Digest has just gone out of business - now you've told everyone how the trick works.)
Professional drinkers nolonger drink from some life style choice, they nolonger have a choice, their bodies demand a drink. The consequences of not taking a drink can be fatal.
The Apprentice Drinker
However, it is more common to kill yourself by drinking too much, young people tend to prefer this option. When the blood alcohol content (BAC) reaches 0.4% unconsiousness occurs before the lights go out completely, even at 0.1% the happy hour apprentice drinker can expect central nervous system depression, nausea, possible vomiting, impaired motor and sensory function, and a failure of cognition. They will also typically drop most of their doner kebab on the pavement whilst pausing to piss in most of the shop doorways on the high street.
For purposes of comparison, drink drive limits are in the region of 0.05% to 0.08% depending on an individual's metabolic rate. Technically, the 0.08% is considered the level at which most people become intoxicated.
Apprentice drinkers can be seen throughout the land on a Friday or Saturday night causing great concern to the 'city fathers' and politicians. Their aim is to enter an altered state of reality, to get off their face, to get out of it, as if it's possible to leave the reality of who and what you are behind. Well, for a few hours they do find their nirvana - an end to the craving, suffering and ignorance of life - unfortunately, their 'awakening' will usually be in some gutter, face down in their own vomit.
Drink Driving
There are no safe drink drive limits. Driving is an inherently unsafe passtime. A car is not a means of transport, it's a metal box on wheels full of high explosive and driving it is quite simply an act of faith.
Drink driving kills three Jumbo Jets full of people each year, that's about a thousand souls.
Drink drive limits were introduced in 1967 in the days of Red Barrel and Double Diamond, otherwise known flat piss and even flatter piss with a different label. The limit for drink driving was set at 80mg/100ml, that is, 80 milligrams of alcohol to 100 milliliters of blood.
Two Pints is OK
The idea that you can drink two pints and still drive safely derives from an official Government department document from 1987. However, be aware that research was based on 3.5% ABV - i.e. the proof number printed on the tin, one pint of beer at this strength equals two Units - that's the real drink drive limit.
Different people absorb alcohol at different rates. Eating before drinking does not stop you getting drunk it simple slows down the rate of absorption. However, should you want to beat the policeman with the breathalyzer kit, you could eat half a pound of lard before you drink - this really slows down the rate of absorption, the downside is that it makes drinking a bit pointless and could give you indigestion.
The History of Alcohol
Actually, alcohol abuse predates history. Taking the term history to mean writing things down that happened in the past. Well, we think it's a safe premise to assume that stone age man got very pissed very often, long before some bourgeoisie with a quill decided to start writing down all the clever things the rich and powerful did - whilst simultaneously ignoring the efforts of the masses - who admittedly, were largely pissed most of the time. And that's an historical point, if the masses hadn't had been so out of touch with reality they might have noticed that they were being written out of the history books.
In days gone by nobody worried how much alcolhol was consumed and the negative health effects were never mentioned. There were a few reasons for this; no one lived long enough to worry about liver damage
and poor people didn't have doctors to moan at them about their blood pressure.
And importantly, here comes another historical point, the ruling class only started to worry about the masses's consumption of alcohol when it started to interfere with production or if it was likely to lead to civil unrest. The crack downs in the 18th and 19th centuries were largely driven by economic concerns - not the health of drinkers.
In the UK, the Inland Revenue has always been keen on drink, that is, taxing it. Back in the 1880s they even introduced a 'homebrewers' tax. Due to the Revenue's tax craving, unlike other parts of the world there has never been the type of prohibition seen in the USA and elsewhere.
24 hour drinking
A Select Health Committee report, (Jan 2010), on alcohol accuses the Department of Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) of "extraordinary naivety" over the introduction of 24-hour drinking. Their report is particularly critical of the DCMS, which sponsored the Licensing Act 2003 that allowed licensed premises to open around the clock from late 2005, and its claim that extended licensing hours would lead to more laid back, European-style drinking patterns in the UK.
"The department has shown extraordinary naivety in believing that the Licensing Act 2003 would bring about a civilised cafe culture."
Interesting that the Dept. of Culture didn't haven't a grasp of English culture.
Endnote:
Alcohol consumption by the elderly results in increased longevity, almost entirely as a result of lowered coronary heart disease.