Geo-Politics
It all started when Mercator was given a projector for Christmas, hence forward global distortion became the accepted wisdom. The mathematical distortion introduced by Mercator in the 16th Century led to all manner of political ideologies, e.g. Colonialism, Imperialism, Manifest Destiny, Lebensraum and Islam.
Beyond ideologies, in the post-war world, Western power brokers could see big changes taking place, between East and West, and North and South. Cunningly, a raft of institutions were put in place to maintain the hegemony of the USA and Western Europe. Organisations such as the World Bank, International Monetary Fund, and NATO.
NATO - well passed its sell by date
A bit of history
NATO was formed by the North Atlantic Treaty of April 1949 as a Cold War system of collective defence between the US, ten European states, and Canada.
Its purpose was defined by NATO’s first secretary general Lord Ismay as ‘to keep the Russians out, the Americans in, and the Germans down’.
That changed in 1955 when the West German state joined the NATO alliance – which prompted the Soviets to set up their Warsaw Pact of East European states in opposition.
The French, withdrew from NATO’s military structure in 1966 in protest at American dominance then it rejoined in 2009, and now complains that America isn’t doing enough?
The Cold War ends…..
The Cold War ended with the fall of the Berlin Wall and the dissolution of the Warsaw Pack 1991. One might have expected NATO to follow suit and dissolve itself. However, in the subsequent 20 years NATO has expanded to 28 states.From Anti-Communism to Humanitarian Intervention
During the stand-off between East and West, NATO never fired a shot. Its first military adventure (1994-95) was in Europe, against the Bosnian Serbs. In 1999, NATO spent three months bombing Serbia. Clearly, NATO had found a new role for itself, ‘taking sides’ in moral crusades. Not least, most recently in Libya.
Collective Security
In 2001, following the 9/11 attacks, NATO invoked Article 5 of its treaty on collective security, calling on members to rally to defend one of their number. From 2003, NATO assumed permanent command of Western forces in the Afghan War.
The Transformation Was Complete…
From anti-communist bulwark to humanitarian crusader and collective moral champion, safeguarding the globe from tyranny and oppression, NATO’s transformation was complete. It has over the past 20 years established a reason for its continued existence.
The NATO website presents itself as some kind of guardian of harmonious living:
‘We want to be sure we can walk around freely in a safe and secure environment. Security in all areas of everyday life is key to our wellbeing, but it cannot be taken for granted.’
However, walking, for the time being, either in Libya and especially in Afghanistan, is not recommended.NATO's analysis of its own intentions display a mismatch between what it thinks its doing and what it is actually doing. In the case of Afghanistan, 'fuck all' is the answer (only the bluntness of some Anglo-Saxon captures the essence of NATO's failure) and as for Libya, they never knew what they were intervening for in the first place.
Organisations such as NATO have no place in a world clearly confused and just a tad directionless. Across the globe the internal politics of literally every nation is in turmoil, the existence of a confused interfering moral policeman is helping no one.
Islam
Introduction: some might argue that Islam is a philosophy, a political ideology but definitely not a a country. True, Islam is definitely not a country. However, at root Islam is more than that because it imagines a nation of Islam, fundamental to its core philosophy.
Islam: 7th Century Arab take on Christianity and some old testiment prophets. The start-up idea was simple; Jesus was a good guy but others had distorted the words of the one God. So, the one God decided to have a series of conversations with Mohamad. Interestingly, Mohamad didn't write anything down himself, he passed on God's messages to others to write down. Hence the reason that Mohammad is called the 'messenger'.
The Central Idea: unlike Christianity and its offshoots, Islam has a big idea - the Caliphate. The Caliphate is a Muslim world ruled by the caliph who imposes the will of God upon all those who submit, i.e. all Muslims. Within the Caliphate framework no other form of submission is tolerated hence the Caliph doesn't have much imposing to do. All actions within the Caliphate are guided by the Qur'an, a collection Mohamad's messages. Gaps in the transmission between the Prophet and his scribes are made up by a number of other books and revisionist commentators, not to mention any Iman who wants to make a name for himself.
Moderate Islam: this is a Western creation, made up by Governments, like the British one, to persuade the populus that not all Muslims are bad people. This is tantamount to saying that someone is a moderate drinker but how does someone imbibe just a small amount of Islam? Do they start going through the Qur'an picking and rejecting bits willy nilly - could lead to Schisms and a lack of clarity. For instance, "Wahhabism" is the dominant form of Islam in Saudi Arabia. It has developed considerable influence in the Muslim world in part through Saudi funding of mosques, schools and social programmes. Be assured, there's nothing moderate about Wahhabism, it considers itself 'the pure form' of Islam, interestingly, Osama Bin doesn't subscribe to this school of thought.
Radical Islam: now this we can understand. Rallying cry: Death to the Infidel, i.e.
anyone not a Muslim.
Jihad: holy war, all Muslims are 'fighters' and have a duty to kill the infidel and establish the Caliphate (where exactly, well, everywhere, obviously.)
Be clear, to the radical, an infidel is anyone who is not a Jihadist like them. This includes Muslims who are not following Sharia Law and those stupid enough to go shopping on the day the suicide bomber came to market.
Al Qaeda: stands for 'rock' or 'foundation of Islam'.
Al Qaeda is another Western fiction, designed to help agencies like the CIA explain global terrorism.
Basically, the term is used to excuse the lax attitude of some regimes to terror camps within their borders. So, if the US doesn't want to upset the Swiss, it will say that the training camps in the Alps belong to Al Qaeda. However, try looking up Al Qaeda in the Yellow Pages, it has no mosques or registered offices listed, therefore, how can it exist? You just can't beat thorough academic research.
Education: unnecessary for women. Men attend the Madrasah, religeous school, where they seem to spend a good deal of time reciting, that's it, reciting selected bits from the Koran. Ignorant Western observers (said by apologists, who can't bring themselves to say anything nasty about Islam) maintain the key function of the Madrasah is political indoctrination. Blah, no one's getting any marks here, the Madrasah does what it says on the tin, it equips attendees with the wherewithall to deliver the Caliphat - that's the bloody point of all that reciting, don't think, just know how to behave yourself when 'Quinn The Caliph (The Mighty Caliph)' gets here.
Dress Code: you are forgiven for getting confused over the use of Niqab and Hijab within Islam. The Niqab covers the face, except the eyes, the Hijab refers to covering everything except the hands and face. Ah, but, if you are a women unfortunate enough to find yourself in the company of Muslim men who fundamentally misunderstand their own credo, you may well find yourself totally covered up, wearing the Burqa and falling over small objects strategically placed by playful Talibs, who enjoy mocking women at every turn. All of which plays havoc with a women's dress sense and it's all the fault of the Mohamad who apparently said that women 'should cover their beauties'. Unfortunately, the 'messenger' was a tad unclear about what he meant by 'beauties'.
Islam's big problem - Sunni bigots and Shi'ite zealots
Way back in the very early days, well as soon as Mohamad ceased to be, the problem emerged. There was great disagreement about who should succeed the prophet. One faction wanted Ali but the other faction kept insisting on giving the job to someone else. Eventually, Ali got the job but someone killed him. Ali's faction, became known as Shi'ites and the opposing camp as Sunnis, who considered themselves traditionalists. The latter would have no truck with disciples like Ali or his grandson Hussein. Hence, today the world of Islam is riven between the two camps, continuing to butcher one another, just like they did in the 7th Century.
P.S Al Qaeda is on the Sunni side of the street.
A bit of history
When the US wanted the Russians out of Afghanistan, they paid the Pakistani secret service to train and equip Taliban fighters in Pakistan. At the same time Osama Bin Laden was active in Afghanistan bank rolling various tribes, with Saudi oil money, in their fight against the Russians. The upshot of this joint effort, the Russians went home and the Taliban took over, oops, bit of a mistake. Under Taliban control, Afghanistan became the global home of terror, the place where Bin Laden hatched the 9/11 plot from a cave. True or not, US and European troops are dying in the dust on a daily basis and no one knows for how much longer because our lords and masters don't really have a clue what we are doing there.
We do hope this guide has helped and fear not because the legacy of New Labour's anti-terror legislation is in place to keep us all safe from the Muslim fighters stalking our highstreets.
Rolling Back the Stone in North Korea
Introduction: North Korea is the product of Japanese oppression. From 1910 to 1945 Japan subjugated the Korean population and plundered its resources.
The Korean Liberation Army was schooled in China during the period that Mao was driving out the running dogs of imperialism. Small wonder then that the majority of Koreans harboured the same sentiments as China's communist revolutionaries. The last sentence is one way of telling history. However, the truth is far simpler; the majority of Koreans were peasant farmers, unused to doing anything except toiling in the mud. They really didn't care who was in charge, they just wanted a chance to get on toiling on their own behalf, rather than for the Japanese. Kim ll-Sung had other ideas and the peasants had no choice but to become communist revolutionaries.
Post-1945, the UN divied up the country between Russia and the US. The Soviet's stayed long enough to install a client regime in the North and the US did the same in the South, then they left. The situation in the South was far from settled. Mao, now in control of China aided the North in its war with the South.
The Korean War began in 1950 and ended in 1953, without resolution. Someone drew a line in the sand at the 38th paralell and open warfare ceased but the war continues to this day.
That war signalled the beginning of the 20th Century's descent into the biggest fantasy in human history, in which one half of the world was brain washed into believing that the other half was trying to enslave it with malevolent ideas.
Inside the fantasy world of the Kims'.
When Kim II Sung became the first leader of Korea in the post-War period the fantasy began. Kim needed to build his personality cult and so invented a whole raft of comic book exploits, with himself as the hero. North Korean students are taught that it was Kim II Sung who drove the Japanese out of Korea, single-handedly.
Kim passed on his heroic cape to his son, Jong-il in 1994.
The likeness between Kim ll Sung and Kim Jong-un is uncanny. Kim
Jong-un is the son of current leader, Kim Jong-il. They say the baby-faced bloater was educated in Switzerland, an unlikely story. It's more likely that Jong-un was being worked on by Swiss plastic surgeons, whilst consuming a whole chocolate factory.
When Kim Jong-il, who is actually a rat with a broom up its arse, expires, North Korea's 24 million citizens will be told that Kim ll Sung has returned as a younger version of himself. Fully invigorated and full of verve, ready to lead the nation backward into thermo-nuclear oblivion.
Readers may not be aware that Kim ll Sung, who 'died' in 1994, is still North Korea's Eternal President. So, it's an historical fact that North Korea has been ruled for 16 years by a dead man - small wonder that it's been so difficult to do business in the region. Add in the fact that the war between the two halves of Korea is still current, the future looks bleak.
North Korea is not a country, it's a comic book backdrop, a kind of large Gotham City, where an elite of cartoon characters weave amazing exploits and bloater boy can't wait for his triumphal return, so he too can add to the mythology of men who soar like eagles above the clouds or swoop down from the White Mountains and bring a reign of terror on small creatures in the muddy fields.
Kim Jong-il's escape into fantasy has become all the more urgent as his country descends into some kind Pol Pot nightmare. Put simply, food supplies are in crisis and only gifts from China are keeping the wolf from the door.
Things have got so bad that Kim has resorted to buying presents from Beijing Silk Market from Del boys selling fake Rolex watches, Armani Suits and Gucci handbags as gifts for the party faithful.
South Korea intelligence has also reported that North Korean diplomats have been asking for food aid when meeting with officials in foreign countries.
Clearly, bloater boy has his own food supply, well he would wouldn't he, being a superhero - all he needs now is that illusive cape.
Eritrea
Introduction: 2011 has witnessed a spate of popular uprisings across the Middle East. The people have finally had enough of their dictators. There is some suggestion that Eritrea is a prime candidate for another citizen uprising.
Recent history: Eritrea finally freed itself from Ethiopia in 2000 at the conclusion of a thirty year war. It freed itself in order to install the kind of despotism that Ethiopia could only dream of.
Economy: Well it certainly is economic, with a GDP of $4 billion. For the sake of comparison, miserable little Liechtenstein, with its population of 35,000 has the same size GDP with 5 million less citizens. Another comparison: Roman Abramovich has personal wealth of £7.8 billion and Carlos Slim, the world's richest citizen, has £31 billion.
The Eritrean economy might to be described as an old style Soviet Command Economy - not that there's much to command. 80% of the poplulation are engaged on subsistence farming and struggling to feed themsevles. In 2007 a Canadian mining company signed a contract with the government but very few multinationals have any interest in doing business with Africa's second-rate answer to North Korea.
President Issaias Afewerki, his pals, and army generals own all the companies. Dynamism is not a feature of the Eritrean economy.
Trivia: Eritrea is the only African country without any privately owned news media. Dissenting voices are stoned. Also, the opportunities for spreading dissent are diminished, if not impossible. It is estimated that mobile phone subscriptions are as low 3 per 100 citizens. 'Reporters Without Borders' put Eritrea at the top of a poll as the worst country for press freedom.
Politics: The country is run by the People's Front for Democracy and Justice. Deep irony resonates; Eritrea is not a democracy, Eritrea has no justice, and whatever a Front is, the people have bugger all to do with it.
The country has been run by the same provisional clique that took control in 1993, following a referendum to split with Ethiopia. Although the constitution states that elections will take place every five years, none have ever taken place.
The main problem for Eritrea is its insistence on warring with all its neighbours. The country seems to have some kind of dispute rota system in place, one week it's Djibouti, the next it's Sudan and then it's Ethiopia - then the process starts all over again. The UN walked away from all this nonsense in 2008.
Bottom Line: The probability of Eritrea being the next pro-democracy flashpoint is very low. Only the army have the means to remove Afewerki's clique but have no incentive to do so since they drink from the same trough.
Syria: the sharp end of geo-politics
The toll of human misery continues, increasing by the hour, over a thousand dead, many more seriously wounded, thousands fleeing to Turkey, untold numbers locked up for nothing. Syria is a shit hole that no one would pay to use.
No one knows what to do about Syria. No doubt Assad is a nasty man, barely recognisable as a human, leastways definitely lacking in the humanity department. Just the man to safeguard the interests of his extended family, the middle classes, the business elites and the minority Shia population (who make up most of the army).
No one knows what to do. The US have no levers to pull. The UN can't garner any support from China, Russia or anyone that has influence in the region. Iran supports Assad. And no one in Europe wants to upset Iran, even though they dislike Mr Imadinnerjacket more than they do Assad. Ask that loser Hague and he'll tell you, we can't have the region being destablized by some kind of intervention - that would be bad for Israel.
In the absence of actually doing anything about the carnage of innocents in Syria, the civilized western democracies will sit down and have a jolly good chat about this nasty business. Then, someone will write a furious letter to that Mr Assad to let him know we are not happy with his performance.
In truth, there's nothing that can be done for the citizens of Syria suffering at the hands of Assad. Parallels with Egypt or Libya don't hold up, there are no cracks in the army, all business interests support Assad, there's not even a glimmer of an organised opposition, no mass grass roots organisation - decades of state repression has neutered dissenting voices.
All a bit hopeless but not surprising. World leaders have not just found out that the Assad family are nasty people, they just ignored it and got on with business. Now, some leaders feel a little bit uncomfortable because Syriaian barbarity puts their uselessness in the headlines.
Our investigative news team in Africa have been working undercover in Nigeria and we can today reveal that the whole of that country's GNP is based on scamming. Today we can reveal that every man, woman and child is engaged in the production of letters and emails telling the rest of world's citizens that they have won a fortune in prize draws that they never entered in the first place. For a small admin fee they can claim their winnings. A key player in the scamming enterprise told one of our people: " You can't catch antelope for dinner unless you get out of bed first, poor people are born knowing this. You rich people want your antelope brought to you in bed. So, that's what we offer you - antelope in bed. Nice idea but all you get from us is the bones of the carcass, while we feast on your greed." Very Eric Cantona, thanks.
And more, we can reveal, that these Nigerian entrepreneurs derive your personal details from so-called bona fides companies that you shop with day to day. Yes, your addresses, phone numbers, email addresses are being sold like body parts across the Internet. So the next time some shop operative asks for your details for 'the warranty' say no thanks, I'll forward the details to Nigeria myself.